Victims of abuse are often held prisoner by the shame that really belongs to the offender.
The following characteristics of shame are taken from Jane Middelton-Moz. Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise (Kindle Locations 50-51) [*Affiliate link]. As we have written in other posts, shame is something that we all have to struggle with, especially if we have been abused. To ignore shame is to sentence ourselves to continuing relational disasters. Notice particularly #3. Mind-reading. People who are in bondage to shame torpedo even healthy relationships because their shame attributes shaming motives to others. See how much of yourself you might find in this list:
Characteristics Of Shame-Based Adults In Relationships:
1) We lose ourselves in love.
2) When we argue, we fight for our lives.
3) We expend a great deal of energy in mind-reading. We frequently talk to ourselves about what our partners are feeling and needing more than to our partners.
4) We pay a high price for those few good times.
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