When I’m listening to a person who is complaining about their spouse or their marriage, I want to discern whether they are a victim or a perpetrator. Does this mean I am suspicious of all disclosures of abuse? Yes; and no. In most cases, the person’s words (and body language, if I’m able to see it) tell me very quickly, almost immediately, that I’m hearing from a genuine victim. But there are some cases where that recognition and confidence does not come so easily. In such cases, I believe it’s right to honor to my feelings of uncertainty and be consciously suspicious. After all, we talk a lot on this blog about how perpetrators pose as victims in order to recruit allies and supporters. Jeff S recently said (in another thread) that the central question he would ask himself in this situation is is “does this person sound like he…
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