In his book, Unholy Charade:Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church, [affiliate link*] Pastor Crippen describes each phase of the cycle of abuse. Understanding each phase and how they work in sequence may help victims be able to avoid or lessen the confusion that abusers want to create.
Some people call this the ‘normal’ phase or even the ‘honeymoon period,’ but in an abusive relationship, nothing is ever really normal, and any honeymoon feeling is a deception. ‘Buy-back’ names what the abuse is doing: trying to manipulatively buy back, through apparent peace and pleasantness, the affection and loyalty of the one he seeks to control. When it suits his purposes, he can pretend to be quite caring, even loving. The buy-back phase will give the victim false hopes that thing are better now, that he really does love her, that he has truly changed. But like almost everything…
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