Why We Need to be Done with Unsafe People as Soon as Possible

A Cry For Justice

The wicked, like the abusers we have all confronted, are like black holes who suck life and energy out of us. Why? Because when we are in the presence of an abuser we must be on guard at all times.

The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no mercy in his eyes. (Proverbs 21:10)

The wicked watches for the righteous and seeks to put him to death. (Psalms 37:32)

Call it walking on eggshells or what you will, the fact is that life with an evil person like this requires vigilance. As soon as we let our guard down and extend even a bit of trust, pow! The assault comes.

Constantly on guard. Watching moment by moment. Just consider how draining that is. We don’t like to do it. We would rather believe that we can rest and trust, if only for a bit. But we cannot…

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Spiritual Abuse in the Church: A Guide to Recognition and Recovery

Source: Spiritual Abuse in the Church: A Guide to Recognition and Recovery

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The abuser’s word salad & weird language when he’s working hard at resisting taking responsibility

A Cry For Justice

When the abuser is pulling out all stops to show that he is right and you/others are wrong, his language sometimes becomes a little weird.  I have observed this kind of poor English in the language of many men who abuse their wives. (However, some abusive men are so well educated and verbally skilled that they can use proper English to do ALL their verbal abuse.)

Sometimes the poor English is like a word salad… or a concept salad. The words and phrases may be normal but they are not strung together logically: there are skips and jumps, the flow of thought is not logically connected. If the abuser is mouthing christian doctrine, the individual phrases may be okay but the way he connects them logically together is NQR — not quite right. Pay attention when you have that NQR feeling!

His grammar and syntax might show flaws. Connecting words (conjunctions) may be missing. Verbs…

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Abuse Victims Making Big Difference

Source: Abuse Victims Making Big Difference

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Amarillo Group Has Answers Others Could Use

Source: Amarillo Group Has Answers Others Could Use

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When the Wheels of Church Justice Move Like a Snail, it is a Sign of Injustice

A Cry For Justice

Have you had the sad experience of being involved in church “courts” in the process of getting free of your abuser? Numbers of denominations have intricate court systems set up (I am thinking particularly of Presbyterians here) in which it can take months and months or even year upon year to obtain a ruling. And here is something that I have noticed happening repeatedly in these ecclesiastical machination processes:

  1. The process of determining the guilt of an evil person such as an abusive spouse (no, I will say “abusive husband” because that is how it almost always goes down) proceeds at the speed of the thickest molasses flow.
  2. The process of determining the guilt of the abuse victim who will not heed her church’s orders to reconcile with her abuser, proceeds at a speed more akin to the flow of….well…rushing water.

Why is that? “You say he abuses you, eh?…

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One of the Worst Letters We Have Seen From a Pastor to an Abuse Victim

A Cry For Justice

I think this is one of the most cruel letters from a pastor to an abuse victim that I have seen. While it is very similar in ways to others I have read, it is remarkably deceptive in a number of ways. The “love” words it uses. The selective and dishonest quotes it lays on her. And the not so veiled threat of “obey us or else.” Names have been removed and replaced with [wife] and [husband] for the protection of the victim. She has given us full permission to publish it. Her abuser used emotional, spiritual, sexual, and economic oppression against her over a period of many years.  Keep that in mind when you read what this “pastor” and his elders say to her here.  Many, many thanks to her from all of us.

Oh, and this is not some isolated, independent pastor and church. This is a mainline, conservative…

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