“A Hidden Pathology”

Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!

The reason the title above is in quotes is because it is the chapter title from a book recommended in one of the comments recently: “The Narcissistic Parent” by C.A. Childress. I ordered it after reading the comment (and I apologize for not remembering who recommended it) and was somewhat disappointed. It’s a thin book of only 45 pages and cost about $8.00. But I have read through it twice and now understand its value. This is a book to give the counselor or attorney you are working with. This book will help them understand the narcissist. I can’t guarantee they will read it or value it, but I can almost guarantee that, if they do read it, they will understand a lot more of what you have been dealing with.

In some ways, this two-page chapter (on page 6-7) is the primary message of the book…

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The Abuser Hooked her in Bible College, deceived her, married her, abused her: Dying Star’s story Part 1

A Cry For Justice

She was a genuine Christian honestly wanting to serve the Lord, only to have her nightmare begin in a place she thought would surely be safe. This is part one of three parts in which “Dying Star” will tell us all the stories of how abusers deceived her.

I don’t know it yet, but I’m about to enter into my first abusive marriage. I am just 18 years old. I have just started college at a small, conservative, Southern Baptist Bible college close to my hometown. I was born and raised in a Christian home by kind, loving Christian parents. I watched my parents have an amazing marriage and that’s what I want for my life, too. Divorce will forever be out of the question. No, I’m going to find my prince charming, get married, and live happily ever after.

Marty sweeps me off my feet just five months after I begin college…

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The Pastor’s Wife — An All too Frequent Ally of the Abuser

A Cry For Justice

I thought that if I went to my pastor’s wife and told her what was really going on in my marriage, she would certainly understand and help me.
After all, she is a woman too.

There are godly women married to pastors. My wife is one. This post is in no way intended to be a blanket condemnation of pastors’ wives. My intent is to talk about a widespread (very widespread) problem in local churches which is hurting many victims of domestic abuse. That problem concerns the pastor’s wife.

If you are the wife of a pastor, you are in a unique position. You may use it for great good, or for great harm. The fact is that the majority of abuse victims we know (and we know many) have not been helped by their pastor’s wife, but just the opposite. They were further oppressed and shamed by the response…

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Finding a good counselor

A Cry For Justice

Finding a counselor who is competent to counsel victims of abuse can be quite challenging. Some counselors have a good understanding of domestic abuse but many do not.

Catherine DeLoach Lewis is a Christian counselor who was untrained in domestic abuse until—by the providence of God—she woke up. We interviewed her on this blog and she said:

I began my professional counseling career August, 1998. I was working with a married couple and in what came to be our last marriage counseling session, I noticed how close he was sitting to her and how he kept smiling and squeezing her hand. I also noticed how frightened she looked. I knew something was very wrong but I did not know what it was.

The next day I was attending a workshop on domestic violence and substance abuse. During my first break, I called the wife of this couple and said, “I am in a…

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You Weren’t There — a letter to pastors from a survivor of domestic abuse

A Cry For Justice

Dear Pastor James (and any other pastor who will listen),

You said to me in your letter, “it is about you and John learning to understand one another.” LISTEN. Please, for once, stop talking. Stop spouting parts of Scripture passages and trite “Christian” expressions. Stop trying to fix this. Stop trying to fight for “marriage” above people, above all else, and listen. Stop thinking and talking about how you are the expert on what I have seen, what I have heard, what I have experienced. Just LISTEN.

I want you to understand that I have TRIED to help John understand what he was doing to me. I have done NOTHING BUT try to help him understand what he’s doing to us. I have explained. I have detailed. I have told. I have used analogies. I have used other people’s stories as examples to explain what he’s doing to us. I have…

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Needed – Good People And Good Neighbors

Source: Needed – Good People And Good Neighbors

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