“Christian” Enabling of the Abuser Increases His Attacks on the Victim

Originally posted on A Cry For Justice:

Recently an abuse survivor made a very insightful comment. She said that she could always tell when her abuser (a professing Christian) was receiving support from a Christian. How? He stepped up the intensity of his abuse. She said that while non-Christian support for him would certainly encourage him in his wickedness, her suffering at his hands increased the most when professing Christians sided with him. This is very sobering.

First, let’s ask “why?” Why does an abuser particularly feel empowered in his wickedness when he receives support from duped (or worse) Christians? I suggest that the answer simply comes down to this: “Christian” support/enabling of the abuser makes him conclude that God is on his side. That he is in the right. It makes him out to be a holy jihadist, zealous for the Lord, ready and willing to wipe out any opposition. Christians who enable abusers actually hand…

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When Victims Can’t Pray, Read the Bible or Trust God

Originally posted on Trudy Metzger's Blog:

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and particularly those who were violated in Christian settings, often struggle to trust God. Inevitably this plays into their ability to pray or read the Bible, or even receive biblical truth in the form of someone else quoting the Bible. And understandably so.

My goal when working with people, is to show them–in word and in action–that God is a relational God. Twenty minutes of prayer and an hour of Bible reading, as a religious duty, mean nothing apart from relationship.  Oh sure, it can be presented as ‘discipline’, but what is discipline in religious duty, apart from the kindness of relationship? I’m not interested in it. I can practice discipline in any one of countless other areas, if it is discipline I want to prove.

In learning to pray, I encourage conversational prayer. All the ‘Thee, Thou and Thine’ in the world, doesn’t reach…

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Dear Victim: You are an overcomer!

Originally posted on Trudy Metzger's Blog:

As I thought about nearing the end of this commitment, I thought of how victims of abuse don’t have an ‘end’ to reach for; it’s a lifetime kind of thing, dealing with memories, forgiveness, flashbacks, tears, more forgiveness, and a blend of victory and struggle. I’ve talked with enough elderly victims to know that, while healing comes, there are aspects of what happened that never leave us.

The past cannot be undone. The story cannot be done away with. The pages are written, and they cannot be edited. The steps taken, cannot be backtracked. And the scars etched on our spirits and psyche are a testament to that harsh reality.

Truth is, the road looks long, many days. There are seasons in the healing journey that feel like there is no hope of ever reaching that place of purpose, redemption and being an ‘overcomer’. It seems far away… and we move at…

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Thursday Thought — Victims invariably resist violence and other forms of abuse

Originally posted on A Cry For Justice:

Alongside each history of violence there runs a parallel history of prudent, determined, and often creative resistance.

The manner in which victims resist depends on the unique combination of dangers and opportunities present in their particular circumstances. Victims typically take into account that perpetrators will become even more violent for any act of defiance. Consequently, open defiance by victims is the least common form of resistance. In extreme circumstances the only possibility for resistance may be in the privacy afforded by the mind.

Too frequently, victims’ resistance is recognized or treated as significant only when it is successful in stopping or preventing the perpetrators’ violence. We maintain that this is an entirely inappropriate criterion. Victims resist in a myriad of ways that are not successful in stopping the violence but nevertheless are profoundly important as expressions of dignity and self-respect.

From the article Language and Violence: Analysis of Four Discursive…

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Discussion: Thoughts on Spiritual Abuse

Dale Ingraham @ Speaking Truth In Love Ministries:

I think that sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse are all interconnected. While these different types of abuse often happen separately from one another, there is an underlying mindset that seems to breed and foster abuse in general. I think we are making some headway but it is slow. I do think that the fact that many in church leadership are on the defensive about this, is a sign that your efforts are paying off. They can’t just ignore you and the other voices who are out there.

Originally posted on Spiritual Sounding Board:

Spiritual Abuse, Church, Understanding

“You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally.” Ezekiel 34:4

I was thinking last night about spiritual abuse. Do you think we are makingspiritual abuse, marriage, ATI, Doug Phillips, Vision Forum, Reconstructionism any headway on this subject? Do people understand what it is? Is the Body of Christ understanding it as a legitimate abuse within the church? Or is it getting brushed aside as whiny and/or complaining about conflict? Where are we today?

I’m wondering if people will only consider it as abuse if there is another conflict along with it:  ie, mishandled sex abuse, mishandled church discipline, etc.

We haven’t had a discussion like this in a while. What are your thoughts? Is there anything we can do to help legitimize this horrific abuse that affects people at their…

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How Miles Davis misrepresented his assault of his wife Frances: a case study in the language of abusers

Originally posted on A Cry For Justice:

Here is the account which jazz musician Miles Davis gives of the first time he assaulted his wife, Frances.

I loved Frances so much that for the first time in my life I found myself jealous. I remember I hit her once when she came home and told me some shit about Quincy Jones being handsome. Before I realized what had happened, I had knocked her down… I told her not to ever mention Quincy Jones’ name to me again, and she never did… Every time I hit her, I felt bad because a lot of it really wasn’t her fault but had to do with me being temperamental and jealous. I mean, I never thought I was jealous until I was with Frances. Before, I didn’t care what a woman did; it didn’t matter to me because I was so into my music. Now it did and it was something that…

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“To every man an answer,” but if it’s an abused woman, let’s lance her!

Dale Ingraham @ Speaking Truth In Love Ministries:

Jesus said that God allowed divorce under the law because of the hardness of ‘your ‘ hearts. Jesus was talking to the Pharisees so His reference to ‘your’ hearts would be to the men or the husbands in Moses’ day. It is hard to conceive that there is less grace for the abused wife in the age grace than there was under the law.

Originally posted on A Cry For Justice:

“My husband is cruel and says mean things quite often and still thinks I should be sexually available. What do I do about this?”  This was the question that a woman called Erin asked on a Christian radio call-in show, To Every Man an Answer, where callers can phone with any kind of spiritual question.

On the day when Erin phoned in, there were three hosts: Mike Kestler, Mike Fabarez and Leo Giovinetti. A link to the full broadcast is here. Erin’s call begins at 3:56 and ends at 16:24.  She talked for 3:23 of the those 12 ½ minutes; the rest of the time the male panel were talking.

Many thanks to our reader Valerie for this post.



I came across this program after listening to countless sermons by Mike Fabarez of Focal Point Ministries. I have found his exegetical teaching to be biblically accurate, so when…

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