What Does a Sexual Predator Look Like?

Originally posted on Trudy Metzger's Blog:

What does a sex offender look like? How does one ‘spot’ a molester or someone who is a potential threat to our child’s innocence? What are the ‘signs’ to watch for? From time to time I am asked these questions, or similar ones, by parents wanting desperately to protect their children against predators. And every time it happens, I wish there was a list I could give that parent to say, ‘here are 12 signs that prove…’, or that they had bold stripes, round spots, or some defining feature. But, alas, I am left with a short list, when looking for such clues.

In the first place, a sex offender looks like a normal person. He may look like a well put together businessman, or perhaps a pastor. Alternatively, she may look like a school teacher or Sunday school coordinator. She may even look like an aunt, a mom, a sister…

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Children, Sexual Behaviours & Healthy Responses that Preserve Innocence

Originally posted on Trudy Metzger's Blog:

One child was just under 2 years old, and the other just past 2 when the adult walked in and saw them engaging in what was unmistakably a sex act, of the oral kind… This adult related the event to me soon after, horrified, and asked, “What is the right response?” among many other questions. One of those other questions was, “How would children that age even know how to do that?”

Reactions to these discoveries range from anger, to fear, to apathy. Rather than telling the woman what she should have done, I asked her what she did. “Why I marched them to the bathroom and paddled them good!” she answered.

I cringed, visibly. In the moments that ensued, we talked about why that response is devastating and counterproductive. In exploring that, the other question was also answered.

Whipping and spanking children for sexual touch–whether innocent curiosity or the shocking reenactment…

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Speak your Truth…

Originally posted on bnewvision:

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Court Ruling on Calvary Chapel Pastor Bob Grenier’s Lawsuit against His Son and Former Member

Originally posted on Spiritual Sounding Board:

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Court Ruling on Calvary Chapel Pastor Bob Grenier against his step-son, Alex Grenier and Tim Taylor

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With Alex Grenier’s permission, I am cross-posting the entire article he published yesterday. Since hearing this news, I have found myself in tears, angry, and shocked at this ruling and the implications. I can’t believe Tim and Alex have had this dark cloud hanging over their heads for over 2 years and they still aren’t done. The emotional toll is difficult. Please pray for my friends who dared to speak out against clergy abuse and are now paying a hefty cost emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

If you’d like some background on this story, here is an article I did a while back:  Calvary Chapel Pastor Bob Grenier: Stories of Abuse As Told by His Children


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MAJOR UPDATE: Bob Grenier Calvary Chapel Pastor’s lawsuit vs. Alex and Tim

by Alex…

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When Christmas Cheer Brings Christmas Tears: A Season of Pain for Victims

Originally posted on Trudy Metzger's Blog:

There’s no denying it! The Christmas season is upon us! And, though it didn’t last, the winter wonderland  that made its bold appearance well before December, put some of us in the mood for it. As more and more twinkly lights appear, and Christmas music plays in stores and on the radio, the cheer of the season gets inside of me. I love the thrill of Christmas, with happy sounds in the air, and beauty all around.

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Unfortunately, for many people, the season is one of the most difficult of the year. With festivities and ‘happiness’ everywhere, to them it is a bold declaration of loss, a reminder of pain and grief. Often unacknowledged. This can be the result of any number of losses—whether the death of a loved one, loss of employment, or family abuse and violence—all of which deserve acknowledgement—but, for the purpose of this column, and not…

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Making the Church a Safe Place for Victims of Trauma

Originally posted on Musings of a Christian Psychologist:

This afternoon I will be speaking at Chelten Church on the topic of “Making the Church A Safe Place for Victims of Trauma.” This 3 hour continuing education seminar (co-sponsored by Biblical Seminary who provides the NBCC approved CEs) will focus primarily on trauma resulting from child sexual abuse. However, other forms of sexual violence and traumas (domestic violence, military trauma) will get a bit of attention as well. If you can’t make it or wish to see what I am talking about, you can download and see the slides: Making the Church A Safe Place For Victims.

Tomorrow, Mary DeMuth will speak on a topic similar to her book. Her talk is entitled, “Unmarked Marriage.”  I suspect the conference organizers will take walk-ins!

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Losing Religion & Finding Community

Originally posted on Trudy Metzger's Blog:

“You know you’re supposed to do it? How long will you fight it?” He looked deep into my soul. At least as deep as I would let him, and then a bit deeper, as my defenses broke. Just as quickly I did the only thing I know how to do when I’m too vulnerable, when my soul is bared, and I would rather hide and retreat; I laughed.

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it though, I promise,” I said, still laughing. His challenge, urging me to start a group/meeting for the broken and hurting, came at the end of a lengthy conversation about the brokenness of people. Particularly in churches.

Having suffered much, he has wearied of how Christians present as ‘Happy, Happy, Happy’ all the time. Because, with few exceptions, that’s what nice church people do. And say. And are. Happy, victorious, healed, and ‘fine’ Christians.

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If you…

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